To share, or not to share, where is the question?

I despise pet names.

I hate them.

If anyone ever calls me baby--well, let's just say, you can be sure they would never think to call me baby again.

I don't know why, but this morning while driving to school, I thought about how much I detest pet names, and what I would say if anyone ever brought up pet names in my presence. And I figured it out: "Pet names are just words that try to portray affection but don't really mean anything." Poetic, right?

So why does no one ever ask me the questions I've found the perfect answer to? They ask plenty of questions I have no idea how to answer ("How much is left in my Ozzie bucks?", "Est-ce que tu as cours cette été?"), but no one ever (or, rarely) asks the questions I want them to. Why is that? Why can't people read my mind and give me what I want without having to tell them what it is? (Yes, I know, we're not mind readers, but that would be so cool, wouldn't it??)

My point is, it takes me so long to find the right answer, or even just the right thing to say to a non-question, that when I have it, when I've thought of something, I want to say it. I almost have to say it. Sometimes, I'm pretty sure I just inject whatever it was I wanted to say into a random conversation that only has a little bit to do with what I've just said. Which goes against the whole point.

My point is, I want someone to ask me the questions no one ever does. I want someone to think my opinion is worth something. I'm always so quiet, and sometimes I really don't have anything to say, but people usually take that to mean I don't want to say anything, I don't want to talk. But I would talk, if only you would ask me the right questions, if only someone would care enough about what I think to jump outside the conversation box of school and work. It's really boring. Why would anyone want to talk about it when they don't have to? Why does it seem like the only thing anyone ever talks to me about?

This isn't really where I wanted to go with this, but I like some of the things I've said, so I'm going to stick with it. Maybe I'll go back to what I wanted in the first place later.

How about you? Do you feel unheard? Uncared for? Do you feel like uncared is not a word? Then comment below! Be the first to attempt to ask me the right questions.

Comments

  1. TigorisApril 28, 2011 at 12:08 AM

    Sounds like you need to steer conversations to things you want to talk about, instead of being a passenger in the experience. I think we all experience this to some degree, but it's more pronounced when you think a lot. The more you think and realize, the more you want to share. Unfortunately, it feels like most people aren't interested in hearing about "truths" or anything deeper than, "So how about that weather?"

    For me, starting a blog and writing my realizations and ideas has been a great way to express myself to people who care. The people who don't care can just ignore my posts, but those few people that are interested in what I have to say can find my words and perhaps learn from them.

    Even in blogging there is a need for relationships and mutual attempts to share an interest. I think looking for people that share some common traits and building a relationship based on sharing some deeper thoughts would lead you to being able to be heard.

    Sorry for the long comment, I got caught up in my thinking.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousApril 30, 2011 at 12:07 AM

    People have told me that so often, that if I want to talk about what I want to talk about, I need to bring it up. (Well, really, they said, "If you want them to talk to you, talk to them!") Thanks. This helps. Leave as long a comment as you like! I don't mind at all.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dr TCApril 30, 2011 at 11:30 PM

    Dear Ms. Shenanigans...Thanks for your thoughtful post...thinkers are often frustrated in conversations, kind of the subtext of Pirate Tigoris' nautical example. Sometimes, all the time really, when you have a destination in mind, you have to stand at the helm and take the wheel and steer towards it.

    But there can be forces that pull you away from that steering wheel--fear maybe, perfection maybe, rejection maybe. But it's YOUR destination. Have the confidence in your judgement about where you want to go. People are drawn to confidence--not arrogance or braggadocio, mind you--but self-assuredness.

    And that means drawn to what you're THINKING, too. It's not fair to expect or want people to read your mind. Many divorces and broken relationships have that unrealistic expectation to blame for the split. I can only act on what someone else reveals to me, and I can only assume that what they are revealing is the ... dare I say it in this blog ... the truth ... until it is proven to be otherwise by facts or their dissonant behavior.

    I guess the bottom line is, it's who you are to be a thinker, and that's okay. But sometimes, you need to give others a window to see in. Maybe if you want people to ask you the right questions, you need to give them a leading question first? I speak inconsistent Spanish--if I start a conversation, it's always about a topic I have the vocabulary to finish. I look good! When someone else starts the conversation, my Spanish may be woefully insufficient. I look ... ah ... less than good, shall we say. So maybe being the starter now and then with that leading question will open all kinds of opportunities to share what you want to share.

    Oops! I have followed in the path of long blogs. But I also know that you are also a reader. So I suspect you won't mind.

    I wish you every good blessing this evening, Ms. Shenanigans!

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMay 1, 2011 at 11:34 AM

    I love that you call me Ms. Shenanigans. No, I don't mind at all. That's a good idea. I think what I just need to do is step outside my comfort zone and be the one to start the conversation rather than wait for someone else. Sometimes that's just so hard, and I get discouraged when I can't think of any way to begin but "So how about that weather." Thanks for your input, both of you. I'll try.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dr TCMay 1, 2011 at 6:10 PM

    Dear Ms. Shenanigans, Maybe if you made a list of the favorite things YOU liked to be asked and ask those questions of others...something FAR more interesting than weather or sports...you might intrigue your listeners. I have a very, very good friend that frequently asks, "so, what book are you reading this week?" Books, gotta love 'em!

    But you make up questions that are meaningful to you and out of the ordinary...perhaps you will be tagged as a most interesting conversationalist because YOU ask the UNexpected...

    Yeah, and that comfort zone thing has GOT to go some days. It has its uses, but often it can keep us isolated. And you are far too wonderful for that.

    Have a delightful day, Ms. Shenanigans!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On the Subject of Love

Image
I could have sworn there was a Fall Out Boy song with the words "on the subject of" in it, and I was planning on quoting it to you, alas, I could not find it. Oh well. I might have confused Fall Out Boy with another similar-sounding band. All I have to go on is the broken record of "on the subject of" going over and over and over in my head. Usually that helps, you know, usually it makes me think of the next few words, or from the tune I can pluck out the rest of the song, or even just recognize the voice playing in my head, but not this time. This time my memory is failing me. Although I'm pretty sure it was Fall Out Boy. Oh well. And, with that, I'll move on to the actual topic of this week's blog. Someone told me yesterday I needed to write a new blog entry (probably because I'm so addicting and they couldn't get enough, I'm sure =D), so I thought the whole way home from work about what I could write on. I thought about singers and wh...
Read more

God Hates No One

Image
Did you ever write a paper, and the words came to you so naturally, that you were done proving your point in less than the words required? Not to sound boastful, but that happened a lot when I was in school. So, I'd say it again, using different words in a different order, like maybe they didn't get it the first time. I feel, after reading this article , that that was a bad idea. I guess I can't base my reaction entirely on the needless repetition, because I also didn't necessarily agree with the content. But when the author goes on and on, saying the same thing about three times in different and clever ways, he loses his credibility as a reliable source of information. It seems obvious that personal emotions at least partly fueled his writing. It's all right here, the problem with his argument: "It's been so long since someone was actually honest that none of us even knows what that looks like. And if you don't act that way -- a patently false way th...
Read more