You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry...
So, probably not such a good idea to write a public blog post when I'm angry, but let's try it anyway.
Why is it I always act like such a moron? My sisters and I argue all the time, about who "gets" to empty the dishwasher, the way each of us needs to change so we can be a) more accepted, b) less annoying, or c) a generally better person, and who is actually at fault for the argument. I love my sisters, but really, sometimes I want to hit them over the head and say, "Hey! Listen to me! I might actually be right!"
Well. If I'm being honest, not really sometimes...
The point of all of that was to say that when I get angry, I get hot all over and this thing rises up in me that prevents me from caring about anyone else or whatever it is they have to say. And anything someone says just makes me more angry, and I really just want them to shut up and leave me alone, and then I have to work even harder not to say something horrible--usually I fail. In short, I turn into a monster. No joke. I'm pretty awful. I try to control it, but I just lose it sometimes.
Then, I swear it's three seconds later, my rational, reasonable side takes hold and I want to apologize, like fall on my knees and plead for their forgiveness. But I don't. Know why? I'm sure you've guessed, my pride stops me. And usually by the time it gives up, they've already left and have been angry for a little while (not a whole day or anything, maybe ten minutes or so). Sometimes I can reign it in sooner, but I don't know. It's pretty awful. I'm pretty ridiculous.
So I'm sitting here, replaying the argument(s) I just had with my sister(s) and I can't help thinking, "How can you be so mad at me? I told you to stay away so I wouldn't take it out on you and then you tell me I'm taking it out on you? Really?!" And the much, much larger part of me is calling myself a butthead. A really, really big butthead. How dare I think I'm so important? How can I be mad at someone for doing the exact same thing I just did?
So, here's my new vow (the old exercise one is crumbling sadly, but not for long! Tomorrow, I'll be back out on the track, running with the Biggest Losers I know.): I'm going to be nicer. Not be so cruel or hypocritical. I'm also going to try to keep my anger to myself. Which will be hard. But I can do it.
Right?
Do you have any flaws you're really not proud of? What is your least favorite thing about yourself? And, of course, since I've vowed to be nicer and don't really want your comments to end on such a sad, self-image-destroying note, what is your very favorite thing about yourself? Me, I like my eyes. And, when I'm not being such a rotten sister, I'm pretty fun and generous, I'd say. You?
Ending with my new tradition, here is your new American Idol (although I liked Haley much better. You know what? Here's Haley instead!):
You know what I've noticed about American Idol? The really famous, been-here-forever singers don't sound quite as good as the contestants on the show. Maybe because the contestants have sort of been trained to perform live, rather than for CD's the way the others have?
Why is it I always act like such a moron? My sisters and I argue all the time, about who "gets" to empty the dishwasher, the way each of us needs to change so we can be a) more accepted, b) less annoying, or c) a generally better person, and who is actually at fault for the argument. I love my sisters, but really, sometimes I want to hit them over the head and say, "Hey! Listen to me! I might actually be right!"
Well. If I'm being honest, not really sometimes...
The point of all of that was to say that when I get angry, I get hot all over and this thing rises up in me that prevents me from caring about anyone else or whatever it is they have to say. And anything someone says just makes me more angry, and I really just want them to shut up and leave me alone, and then I have to work even harder not to say something horrible--usually I fail. In short, I turn into a monster. No joke. I'm pretty awful. I try to control it, but I just lose it sometimes.
Then, I swear it's three seconds later, my rational, reasonable side takes hold and I want to apologize, like fall on my knees and plead for their forgiveness. But I don't. Know why? I'm sure you've guessed, my pride stops me. And usually by the time it gives up, they've already left and have been angry for a little while (not a whole day or anything, maybe ten minutes or so). Sometimes I can reign it in sooner, but I don't know. It's pretty awful. I'm pretty ridiculous.
So I'm sitting here, replaying the argument(s) I just had with my sister(s) and I can't help thinking, "How can you be so mad at me? I told you to stay away so I wouldn't take it out on you and then you tell me I'm taking it out on you? Really?!" And the much, much larger part of me is calling myself a butthead. A really, really big butthead. How dare I think I'm so important? How can I be mad at someone for doing the exact same thing I just did?
So, here's my new vow (the old exercise one is crumbling sadly, but not for long! Tomorrow, I'll be back out on the track, running with the Biggest Losers I know.): I'm going to be nicer. Not be so cruel or hypocritical. I'm also going to try to keep my anger to myself. Which will be hard. But I can do it.
Right?
Do you have any flaws you're really not proud of? What is your least favorite thing about yourself? And, of course, since I've vowed to be nicer and don't really want your comments to end on such a sad, self-image-destroying note, what is your very favorite thing about yourself? Me, I like my eyes. And, when I'm not being such a rotten sister, I'm pretty fun and generous, I'd say. You?
Ending with my new tradition, here is your new American Idol (although I liked Haley much better. You know what? Here's Haley instead!):
You know what I've noticed about American Idol? The really famous, been-here-forever singers don't sound quite as good as the contestants on the show. Maybe because the contestants have sort of been trained to perform live, rather than for CD's the way the others have?
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