Make a Difference?
Can people change?
I don't have enough life experience to answer this question. I don't have enough life experience to do much of anything, I guess.
A guy that my sister dated (something like three different times) was a jerk. He'd have to be, for her to have dated him three times. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I don't believe in dating one person more than once. If a couple breaks up, there's usually a reason, and that reason is usually enough that they should stay broken up. Apparently, another sister is dating a repeat-offender now. It's not very smart, in my opinion. Because in that regard, I'm not so sure that people do change. They grow. They can take on or rid themselves of certain habits. But a characteristic that stems from personality, or something so innate a person doesn't even know it's there themselves, isn't likely to change.
So this guy cheated on her twice. We told her the first time, Don't you dare go out with him again. He's done it once; it'll be that much easier to do it again. And he did. And it was, much easier. At least I assume it was, since he felt the need to add difficulty, by cheating with another guy. Luckily, so far, she's not dated him again.
But she did date another cheater. This time, she only dated him once, so maybe she's learning. But she's another one who didn't change. She has this knack of choosing to date the worst guys. Oh, that guy is on his way to college and plans to major in social work so he can go on to help the down-trodden who cannot help themselves? Nah, I think I'll go for this guy. He has a tattoo! (Not that any of her boyfriends have had tattoos. It's kind of a hyperbolic demonstration.)
But then there are those friends from high school who seem to be one person, but then take on qualities of somebody totally different. Were those qualities always there? Did we just miss them? I'd like to be that person, who's a nobody in high school, then shocks everyone and becomes a famous rock star. Or writer, or fill-in-the-blank-here. But what about that person who everyone thinks has it together, but falls apart after high school? Do people like that exist? Is that person who becomes a rock star a changed person, or someone who had it in them all along?
Can people really change?
Are we born how we are, and everything that happens in our lives conditioned by that who-we-are that we're born with? Or do the things that happen make us into who we become? And what about that teenager who thinks he knows everything: is that a personality flaw, a phase, or a premonition? Who decides who Steve Jobs is? Who decides what kind of life Marilyn Monroe has? According to the world, it's Steve Jobs and Marilyn Monroe. According to church, is it God? Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no control, like the world is going to wallop me in the face, whatever I do. But sometimes, when absolutely nothing is happening, I wonder whether or not I can make something happen.
I began this trying to deal with the change I thought I saw in people I've known my whole life. My sister, who is constantly acting like a spoiled brat, did I just never notice before? Or did it actually get worse? I remember the only times we've ever gotten along were when we were all afraid there was something wrong with her kidneys, and when we had a common enemy. Have the adults in my life always been kind of overbearing and demanding, or is that something I'm only noticing because it's infringing on my need for independence?
Maybe I'm the only one who's changed. But that's kind of self-centered, isn't it? There's this stage in the development of children where they can't see others' perspectives. They just can't. All they know is that they are happy that they now have the toy, not that the other child is sad that they don't. According to my psychology class, this stage ends around five or six years old (that may be older or younger, I tend to forget information after I've passed the class). But maybe it keeps going a little longer, in a diluted dosage. Maybe we can never truly see another person's perspective until our mid-twenties. If that's true, could it also be that people never change, but we do so we see our change reflected in the different ways that we perceive others? But then people would change.
So maybe they do. Maybe people really change. And if that's true, why can't they ever just admit it?
I don't have enough life experience to answer this question. I don't have enough life experience to do much of anything, I guess.
A guy that my sister dated (something like three different times) was a jerk. He'd have to be, for her to have dated him three times. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I don't believe in dating one person more than once. If a couple breaks up, there's usually a reason, and that reason is usually enough that they should stay broken up. Apparently, another sister is dating a repeat-offender now. It's not very smart, in my opinion. Because in that regard, I'm not so sure that people do change. They grow. They can take on or rid themselves of certain habits. But a characteristic that stems from personality, or something so innate a person doesn't even know it's there themselves, isn't likely to change.
So this guy cheated on her twice. We told her the first time, Don't you dare go out with him again. He's done it once; it'll be that much easier to do it again. And he did. And it was, much easier. At least I assume it was, since he felt the need to add difficulty, by cheating with another guy. Luckily, so far, she's not dated him again.
But she did date another cheater. This time, she only dated him once, so maybe she's learning. But she's another one who didn't change. She has this knack of choosing to date the worst guys. Oh, that guy is on his way to college and plans to major in social work so he can go on to help the down-trodden who cannot help themselves? Nah, I think I'll go for this guy. He has a tattoo! (Not that any of her boyfriends have had tattoos. It's kind of a hyperbolic demonstration.)
But then there are those friends from high school who seem to be one person, but then take on qualities of somebody totally different. Were those qualities always there? Did we just miss them? I'd like to be that person, who's a nobody in high school, then shocks everyone and becomes a famous rock star. Or writer, or fill-in-the-blank-here. But what about that person who everyone thinks has it together, but falls apart after high school? Do people like that exist? Is that person who becomes a rock star a changed person, or someone who had it in them all along?
Can people really change?
Are we born how we are, and everything that happens in our lives conditioned by that who-we-are that we're born with? Or do the things that happen make us into who we become? And what about that teenager who thinks he knows everything: is that a personality flaw, a phase, or a premonition? Who decides who Steve Jobs is? Who decides what kind of life Marilyn Monroe has? According to the world, it's Steve Jobs and Marilyn Monroe. According to church, is it God? Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no control, like the world is going to wallop me in the face, whatever I do. But sometimes, when absolutely nothing is happening, I wonder whether or not I can make something happen.
I began this trying to deal with the change I thought I saw in people I've known my whole life. My sister, who is constantly acting like a spoiled brat, did I just never notice before? Or did it actually get worse? I remember the only times we've ever gotten along were when we were all afraid there was something wrong with her kidneys, and when we had a common enemy. Have the adults in my life always been kind of overbearing and demanding, or is that something I'm only noticing because it's infringing on my need for independence?
Maybe I'm the only one who's changed. But that's kind of self-centered, isn't it? There's this stage in the development of children where they can't see others' perspectives. They just can't. All they know is that they are happy that they now have the toy, not that the other child is sad that they don't. According to my psychology class, this stage ends around five or six years old (that may be older or younger, I tend to forget information after I've passed the class). But maybe it keeps going a little longer, in a diluted dosage. Maybe we can never truly see another person's perspective until our mid-twenties. If that's true, could it also be that people never change, but we do so we see our change reflected in the different ways that we perceive others? But then people would change.
So maybe they do. Maybe people really change. And if that's true, why can't they ever just admit it?
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