The Men of My Dreams
I don't know that I can blame my lateness on the restrictions I set in my last post, or if it's really my fault, for not just getting on and writing something. It's probably just my fault. But it's kind of funny. It added a new facet to this week's (aka this month's) post. Not that it needed it, I think, because I had enough to say anyway.
So. What do Frozen, Josh Duhamel, and Friends have in common? I should have said what do Frozen, When in Rome, and Friends have in common because the answer to that question makes a lot more sense. The dude in all of these really likes his lady. Maybe that's not a classy way to say that.
Their affection feels so real, that if no one ever talked about it, we would still know it was there.
Of course, I mean Ross when I mention love in Friends; how could I mean anyone else? He is like the Ted (of How I Met Your Mother, which does not, I think, have the same kind of affection that I mean here, which does not mean it is worse, it may be better, in fact it probably is better, but the Lily and Marshall kind of love you strive for when you're already in a relationship, not when you're looking to be in one) before Ted existed if Ted was even more hopeful and unabashed in his love for his girl than Ted ever was. From the very first episode, you knew how the show would end, at least for Ross and Rachel, because there was never a moment, even with his many girlfriends and marriages, that Ross didn't love Rachel. Whatever happened between them, whoever got in the way, even if that person was either of them, the love was always there. I'm not sure I can say this in another way. He was her lobster.
I know, just as I know that all of these examples are fictional, that Kristoff is animated, and I cannot expect, just as with any of them, to find a guy like him in the world. And I don't expect to find him. I've heard too many times that there aren't any more good guys out there. I've seen firsthand how stupid guys can be, and I've almost convinced myself I don't want one. But if I did, I would want him to be like Kristoff.
He is practical: He doesn't think love happens immediately, or even after a romantic musical proposal. He knows it takes time to get to know a person, and you can't expect to like everything about him or her. He is courageous: When danger presents itself, he springs into action, showing that He is smart: He assesses his surroundings, and, even under extreme pressure, can use those surroundings to escape from high-stress situations. Kristoff is loving: Despite the obvious kind of love that I'll get to, Kristoff loves his family (he calls them friends, but we know what they really are). That is evident in the way they sing about him. You don't get to know a person that well, especially a person you were not born to love (remember, he's adopted), unless you really want to, and unless that person gives you a reason to want to. Then they tell Anna all about this guy she's only just met that day, and assures her that even though he isn't perfect and here's why, he is worth it.
And if all of that isn't enough, Kristoff goes out of his way to make sure that Anna is happy and/or safe. Even though he knows he loves her, he's willing to put aside his happiness for hers. And then even when he knows she is with the man she loves, and it's not him, when he sees she is in danger he comes to her rescue. He saves her over and over. So what he's not the one to bring her back in the end. He was her protector.
Have you seen When in Rome? It stars Kristen Bell (one of my favorites) and Josh Duhamel. I'm pretty sure it wasn't rated very highly by critics, but I don't listen to them anyway. In this movie, Kristen's character's sister is marrying Josh's character's old college roommate. They meet at the wedding, he helps save her toast (sort of) and shatters the vase protected by her doubt (it'll make sense if you watch it). Very cute.
But, of course, another woman is seen with Josh and Kristen is sad and picks coins out of a very important fountain in Italy which I've forgotten the name of. The men who threw the coins into the fountain fall instantly and madly in love with her. Josh's character whom I've just remembered the name of, Nick, calls her up when they get back to New York, where they both live but have never met, and they talk and meet up and date and that kind of thing. All the while, Kristen is trying to get away from all these guys who've suddenly fallen in love with her, and the whole thing is kind of a mess.
There's a big moment in the movie (that I don't feel bad about revealing because I'm pretty sure those of you who will read this will not watch this movie) where Kristen is in a bit of trouble at work. Nick comes through in such a big way for her, and it's a defining moment for them in terms of how far he's willing to go for her. See, Nick is super clumsy. In one scene, he falls into a hole. After narrowly avoiding walking into a streetlight. He was a semi-famous football player who became famous for being struck by lightning during a game. A famous photographer friend of his happened to take a shot of that moment. So in this picture he's extremely vulnerable and in unimaginable pain. It's the only copy and no one has ever seen it because Nick didn't want to show it. He loans it to one of the biggest museums in New York City to be its main exhibit to help her out.
Did I make that seem like a big enough deal? Because for me it was a huge deal. That painting was a symbol of his actions throughout the movie: He didn't care if he looked like the biggest idiot on the planet. He was her idiot.
I feel, like I said before, that I've already said enough for this post. It's way too long, and I don't think anyone is going to take the time to read it. But maybe that means I can be a little bit too honest here, a little bit vulnerable. Remember what I said about restrictions earlier, how it added a new facet to the idea of this post? Well, here it is:
I have a very particular idea of the kind of guy that I want. I won't list it here, because it would be long, just know I know what I want. I've heard that's a good thing. I will probably not end up in a relationship that's going nowhere. I will probably not end up with someone I don't actually like because I didn't take the time to get to know that someone. I mean, maybe I will, the mysteries of life and God and all that, but I'm telling you right now that if I can finally get it together well enough to be in a relationship, it's going to be one that will last. Maybe not forever, but I do believe that.
And by get it together, I mean be able to carry on an intelligent conversation with someone I know I like who I know likes me. I have trouble speaking to people in general, but it gets so much worse when I talk to a guy I like. I have all these ideas in my head about who I'm supposed to be, and how I'm supposed to act. So I try to act coy and hard to get, but I'm not good at acting, and I'm supposed to be me, so I end up saying nonsensical things that sounded clever and sly until I said them out loud, and are actually inane and don't make sense. The only example I can think of, though it's relatively eloquent is "College math is so much harder than high school math." I feel embarrassed I ever said that, even though I don't like that boy anymore and it was four years ago.
I am my own restriction, and my expectations are my restrictions, and I'm afraid there is not a boy, man, or monster, who can love me in spite of my restrictions.
So. What do Frozen, Josh Duhamel, and Friends have in common? I should have said what do Frozen, When in Rome, and Friends have in common because the answer to that question makes a lot more sense. The dude in all of these really likes his lady. Maybe that's not a classy way to say that.
Their affection feels so real, that if no one ever talked about it, we would still know it was there.
Of course, I mean Ross when I mention love in Friends; how could I mean anyone else? He is like the Ted (of How I Met Your Mother, which does not, I think, have the same kind of affection that I mean here, which does not mean it is worse, it may be better, in fact it probably is better, but the Lily and Marshall kind of love you strive for when you're already in a relationship, not when you're looking to be in one) before Ted existed if Ted was even more hopeful and unabashed in his love for his girl than Ted ever was. From the very first episode, you knew how the show would end, at least for Ross and Rachel, because there was never a moment, even with his many girlfriends and marriages, that Ross didn't love Rachel. Whatever happened between them, whoever got in the way, even if that person was either of them, the love was always there. I'm not sure I can say this in another way. He was her lobster.
I know, just as I know that all of these examples are fictional, that Kristoff is animated, and I cannot expect, just as with any of them, to find a guy like him in the world. And I don't expect to find him. I've heard too many times that there aren't any more good guys out there. I've seen firsthand how stupid guys can be, and I've almost convinced myself I don't want one. But if I did, I would want him to be like Kristoff.
He is practical: He doesn't think love happens immediately, or even after a romantic musical proposal. He knows it takes time to get to know a person, and you can't expect to like everything about him or her. He is courageous: When danger presents itself, he springs into action, showing that He is smart: He assesses his surroundings, and, even under extreme pressure, can use those surroundings to escape from high-stress situations. Kristoff is loving: Despite the obvious kind of love that I'll get to, Kristoff loves his family (he calls them friends, but we know what they really are). That is evident in the way they sing about him. You don't get to know a person that well, especially a person you were not born to love (remember, he's adopted), unless you really want to, and unless that person gives you a reason to want to. Then they tell Anna all about this guy she's only just met that day, and assures her that even though he isn't perfect and here's why, he is worth it.
And if all of that isn't enough, Kristoff goes out of his way to make sure that Anna is happy and/or safe. Even though he knows he loves her, he's willing to put aside his happiness for hers. And then even when he knows she is with the man she loves, and it's not him, when he sees she is in danger he comes to her rescue. He saves her over and over. So what he's not the one to bring her back in the end. He was her protector.
Have you seen When in Rome? It stars Kristen Bell (one of my favorites) and Josh Duhamel. I'm pretty sure it wasn't rated very highly by critics, but I don't listen to them anyway. In this movie, Kristen's character's sister is marrying Josh's character's old college roommate. They meet at the wedding, he helps save her toast (sort of) and shatters the vase protected by her doubt (it'll make sense if you watch it). Very cute.
But, of course, another woman is seen with Josh and Kristen is sad and picks coins out of a very important fountain in Italy which I've forgotten the name of. The men who threw the coins into the fountain fall instantly and madly in love with her. Josh's character whom I've just remembered the name of, Nick, calls her up when they get back to New York, where they both live but have never met, and they talk and meet up and date and that kind of thing. All the while, Kristen is trying to get away from all these guys who've suddenly fallen in love with her, and the whole thing is kind of a mess.
There's a big moment in the movie (that I don't feel bad about revealing because I'm pretty sure those of you who will read this will not watch this movie) where Kristen is in a bit of trouble at work. Nick comes through in such a big way for her, and it's a defining moment for them in terms of how far he's willing to go for her. See, Nick is super clumsy. In one scene, he falls into a hole. After narrowly avoiding walking into a streetlight. He was a semi-famous football player who became famous for being struck by lightning during a game. A famous photographer friend of his happened to take a shot of that moment. So in this picture he's extremely vulnerable and in unimaginable pain. It's the only copy and no one has ever seen it because Nick didn't want to show it. He loans it to one of the biggest museums in New York City to be its main exhibit to help her out.
Did I make that seem like a big enough deal? Because for me it was a huge deal. That painting was a symbol of his actions throughout the movie: He didn't care if he looked like the biggest idiot on the planet. He was her idiot.
I feel, like I said before, that I've already said enough for this post. It's way too long, and I don't think anyone is going to take the time to read it. But maybe that means I can be a little bit too honest here, a little bit vulnerable. Remember what I said about restrictions earlier, how it added a new facet to the idea of this post? Well, here it is:
I have a very particular idea of the kind of guy that I want. I won't list it here, because it would be long, just know I know what I want. I've heard that's a good thing. I will probably not end up in a relationship that's going nowhere. I will probably not end up with someone I don't actually like because I didn't take the time to get to know that someone. I mean, maybe I will, the mysteries of life and God and all that, but I'm telling you right now that if I can finally get it together well enough to be in a relationship, it's going to be one that will last. Maybe not forever, but I do believe that.
And by get it together, I mean be able to carry on an intelligent conversation with someone I know I like who I know likes me. I have trouble speaking to people in general, but it gets so much worse when I talk to a guy I like. I have all these ideas in my head about who I'm supposed to be, and how I'm supposed to act. So I try to act coy and hard to get, but I'm not good at acting, and I'm supposed to be me, so I end up saying nonsensical things that sounded clever and sly until I said them out loud, and are actually inane and don't make sense. The only example I can think of, though it's relatively eloquent is "College math is so much harder than high school math." I feel embarrassed I ever said that, even though I don't like that boy anymore and it was four years ago.
I am my own restriction, and my expectations are my restrictions, and I'm afraid there is not a boy, man, or monster, who can love me in spite of my restrictions.
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