sincerely, me

Petals blossom. Heat plunders. Leaves sway. Cold awakens. Seasons come, and go, over and again, and still, you're here. Stuck somewhere in the depths of my thinking. Stuck, you are, as I am frozen in between and all around those limits of time and space humans are usually bound to. But not today. There's nothing like the empty page of a brand new notebook and a new blue/purple marker to spur the creative juices. I've discovered recently (i.e. just now) that I write with a sort of formula. Ish. I start with a few lines, usually four or so, that I think of in my head. I write those down. Then, unless I think of more lines, I just start writing, trying to connect what I've written with what I was thinking I wanted to write. A lot of the time, as with the previous poem, I can't. I can't make it make sense. Which is funny-strange because I made up the first few lines to go along with an idea I'd had for the connection between what I had and wha...

Well, I guess it's about time I post something new. Good thing I felt like writing something new anyway. I was listening to music in my car the other day and a song by a YouTube discovery played. It's called "Miss Invisible" by Marié Digby. It's all about this girl who sits under the bleachers, eats alone, smiles, hides things, can't relate, goes unnoticed... Basically she pretends to be busy when inside she just wants to cry. This girl is kind of ignored, yet not really ignored, just not seen. No one notices her. Sometimes I feel like that girl. Definitely the "trying to fit in" part. In sixth grade I tried really hard to be popular. Maybe I just wished I fit in. Either way, I really didn't. I thought maybe I was on the cusp of something, but we switched schools before I could really get into the one I was in. But when I got to high school, and I'm not sure I remember quite how it happened, I suddenly fit in somewhere. I really don...

**20TH BLOG POST!** I have a new Twitter account, and I signed up to follow a user called "GirlDictionary." Whenever I check out my "wall," I see quotes from that user that run along the lines of "you (and they make sure to distinguish the "you" as a girl or woman) deserve the best, and if he isn't giving you the best, he's not worth it," or something like that. Here, here's an example: "Just remember this. If you don't want me now, I don't want you later." And: "The worst thing a guy can do is make a girl fall for him with no intentions of catching her." I'm not sure these quotes really show what I'm going for, but they're pretty close. See, whenever I search the Internet, I notice all kinds of articles and quotes like the ones above, basically telling guys how to treat girls, and telling girls that if guys don't treat them exactly that way, they should look elsewhere. Maybe I'v...

Whenever my sister gets hurt, or feels badly, she always describes it to me in detail, and asks me if I've ever felt the same way. She is always relieved whenever I tell her I have. It's like she doesn't think of the possibility we're both sick. She always asks me about physical ailments, but it counts for emotional or psychological aches too. In the song "Who Says" by Selena Gomez, she sings "Who says you're the only one that's hurting?" I've heard so many times, You're not alone, and Others feel the same way. Sometimes, as in my sister's case, it's obvious why having someone else feel the way you do, or not feel the way you don't, makes you feel better. If someone else has had that certain pain in their stomach, it's no longer unusual, or a sign of something strange and unknown. It's something someone else knows. But otherwise, I never understood why it's better for someone to have felt that pain. If y...

I'm sitting here alone in my trailer with a bowl half-full (!) of melted ice cream studying for a test I'll probably fail in the morning (unless God has pity on me) as my 21st birthday draws to a close. This really is the life. So, even though it must be August 2nd all over the world by now, I don't feel very different. Maybe a little more hopeless, but that's about something else than life. I can't help wondering when I'll start to help myself. I always find myself waiting until the last possible moment to do something; putting it off in favor of doing something I think is fun, like watching tv or listening to music or blogging. When will I stop wasting time and get on with life ? Will I ever? Am I really that lazy? How can I expect to reach the goals I've set for myself (See: Fool's Gold ) if I am not willing to work to attain them? How will I ever become the writer I want to be if I don't ever write? How will I graduate with honors, the way I...

As a treat for my birthday, I thought I'd give you two blog entries this week, one today and one tomorrow. Today I wanted to post a little something I was thinking about in class today. But before I get to that, I wanted to talk about guys again. I have a vague feeling the guy in particular sort of likes me, too. We talked for a while today, and I learned a lot. But I'm still not sure what to do. According to your advice, I need to "ask him for coffee" and "make my move," even going so far as to "give him my number." But I can't do that. I'm just not that type of person. I think maybe I could be that person, but then I get to class and he sits next to me and I completely lose any courage I might have gathered up in the process of thinking I could be the type of person who can set her insecurities aside and be confident and brave enough to do any of that. So I guess I'll have to worry about that myself and figure out what I can and wi...