Let's catch up.
I want to be held accountable for keeping up with this blog, so I need your help. Please, bug me if I break my promise. I promise to write on here once a year.
I mean, it has to be an attainable goal, right? And once a year, clearly, is still a challenge for me.
I read again my last real post. I meant to try to keep my promise. I was doing okay for a minute. Then something happened in my family, and I just couldn't imagine writing anything. What would I say? How could I come up with some pithy story to tell when it felt like something important might end?
At least, that was my reason for the next few months. Then, everyone was fine, and I still wasn't writing. I think I fell into that funk: nothing worth telling is going on, I feel not great most of the time, what's the point?
The point is that I'm not sure who I am anymore, which, ugh, is there a more cliché phrase in the history of the world? Maybe I'm just too focused on who I used to be. I used to read all the time. I used to write, I used to--no wait, those may have been my only hobbies. I've never claimed to be interesting.
I'm going through a moment, so please, indulge me. I won't be alerting anyone to the fact that I've posted this, and I consider it more of a writing jumping off point, anyway. I've recently been trying to figure out my salvation. Just in general, what does that mean, and how do I know I have it. Academically, it all makes sense; I'm just having trouble believing it applies to my life. I may talk about this in another post.
Right now, I'm wondering about who I am now, and how I came to be this person. And does who I am even matter if the purpose of my life is to bring God glory? If God can, and does, use anyone, do I really need to figure myself out? Do I need to have hobbies that produce rather than consume? Do I need to want to cook or have kids or be a good wife? Do I have to be somebody or would it not matter who I chose to be as long as I follow Christ? Am I wasting my time by missing the girl that I used to be?
Well, that's enough angst for tonight. This song doesn't have anything to do with what I've written; I just really like it lately.
I mean, it has to be an attainable goal, right? And once a year, clearly, is still a challenge for me.
I read again my last real post. I meant to try to keep my promise. I was doing okay for a minute. Then something happened in my family, and I just couldn't imagine writing anything. What would I say? How could I come up with some pithy story to tell when it felt like something important might end?
At least, that was my reason for the next few months. Then, everyone was fine, and I still wasn't writing. I think I fell into that funk: nothing worth telling is going on, I feel not great most of the time, what's the point?
The point is that I'm not sure who I am anymore, which, ugh, is there a more cliché phrase in the history of the world? Maybe I'm just too focused on who I used to be. I used to read all the time. I used to write, I used to--no wait, those may have been my only hobbies. I've never claimed to be interesting.
I'm going through a moment, so please, indulge me. I won't be alerting anyone to the fact that I've posted this, and I consider it more of a writing jumping off point, anyway. I've recently been trying to figure out my salvation. Just in general, what does that mean, and how do I know I have it. Academically, it all makes sense; I'm just having trouble believing it applies to my life. I may talk about this in another post.
Right now, I'm wondering about who I am now, and how I came to be this person. And does who I am even matter if the purpose of my life is to bring God glory? If God can, and does, use anyone, do I really need to figure myself out? Do I need to have hobbies that produce rather than consume? Do I need to want to cook or have kids or be a good wife? Do I have to be somebody or would it not matter who I chose to be as long as I follow Christ? Am I wasting my time by missing the girl that I used to be?
Well, that's enough angst for tonight. This song doesn't have anything to do with what I've written; I just really like it lately.
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